I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
