glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
