He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
