I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
