insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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