the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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