Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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