Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
