I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My room smells like vodka and shame
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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