good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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