Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
