we have officially lost it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
