I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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