Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
