You really coming over, don't trick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
