Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
