my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize