I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
