she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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