Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
