I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
