Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
