She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
