Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
