just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
