it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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