I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
