windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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