Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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