one might say we're banned from that church
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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