she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
