I just saw a hot homeless man
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
