I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
