I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
MIDGETS
????
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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