Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
