He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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