also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Quick, to the slutcave!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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