There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
