ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
