Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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