Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The power of my boobs compel you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize