I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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