THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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