She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
