He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize