I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
