I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
