Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So. Much. Porn.
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