My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
