the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
