i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
