Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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