don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize