just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
