I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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