OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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