She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
