I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
