cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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