There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
