what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize