Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
