Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
