Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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