Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
