when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
