I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have already put on my inside pants.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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