u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
