we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
