I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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