Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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