Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
