He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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