if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
