Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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