He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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