a queef is a wish your heart makes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
