Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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