He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Screwed.edu
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
