booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
