The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
