One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
