After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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