Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
