Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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