my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
