after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
how does that bad decision feel?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
