i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize