i wish starbucks made bloody marys
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
