Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
