Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
