you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
