cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize