She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
where are my eyebrows?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
