I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
