69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
