just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
