So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
